My Story Sucks, and Here's Why

Today I gave up on "Goth Lolita." For now, at least, I'm done with it -- another false start added to the compost heap, hopefully one day to fertilize something better. After coming to that conclusion, I spent the rest of tonight's writing revising a short-short that started as a class exercise. That's the story I'll be taking to my writing group this weekend.

If I wasn't blogging about my writing - both successes and, more frequently, failures - I'd probably say to myself something like, "that sucks," or the slightly more explanatory "when the story bores the author, it's time to move on to something else" and, well, move on to something else. But for the audience at home, let's take a closer look, shall we?

Here's a list of questions that might shine a light into the darkness of your own suckage, and how I answered them about my story.

Does the opening sentence suck?

"Trent Delver was playing blackjack to kill time between shows when a dark-haired older woman in an elaborately old-fashioned black velvet and lace outfit, and a younger, similarly dressed woman with lipstick-red hair sat down at the table."

Not the suckiest first line I've written, but not great either. Awkward construction, passive voice, a noteable lack of emotion or tension, okay, it sucks. At least it introduces all the main characters, gives us a place, and hints at Trent's job.

What actually happens in the story (story fragment, in this case)?

Trent Delver, the POV character, meets Mimi/Amelia and her mother, Jennifer, at a blackjack table in Vegas. All wear bizarre clothes, described extensively - Trent because he's a piano player / singer between sets, the women because Mimi has a J-pop band and they like Japanese Loligoth fashion. Trent invites them to his performance, they invite him to their video shoot. At the performance Mimi warns Trent that her mother will try and seduce him in order to help Mimi's career. At the video shoot in the Valley of Fire, its hot and weird and Jennifer directs. That night Mimi is the one who tries to seduce Trent. (To Be Continued - Not.)

What do you see on the surface story that sucks here?

Trent's name (I know it's actually just his stage name, but it still sucks - it's a bad porn star's name). Jennifer's name (boring). Too much time spent on clothes, no explanation for the facination with Japan of these American women. Sounds like a bad male fantasy (oooo, they're both trying to seduce him!).

Should the story start where it starts?

Eh, probably not. The blackjack table is a red herring; gambling isn't important to this story. Better to start at Trent's show.

What does the POV character want, and what is opposing him?

This question stopped me cold. Trent doesn't want anything in the story. Mimi and Jennifer both want something from him but he's not opposing either one of them. That SO sucks. Which leads me to...

Is this the right POV character?

Probably not. Either Mimi or her mother would be better choices. They both want something in the worst way, and both are opposed by someone (each other).

Man, this story... sucks. I better stop while I'm behind.

Note to self: Write Less Sucky.

Thanks for Reading,

Stephen